A Marriage 4 Life

Help Your Marriage Last A Lifetime!

Marriage And God

All Scripture's quoted are from 'The Holy Bible, New International Version' Let's take a look in Genesis, and see what God has to say about man:
  • (Genesis 2:18) "The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'”

It looks like God didn’t want us to be alone, so He created the woman to be a help mate for us. Notice He didn’t say slave, but helper. I don’t think the idea of a helper is, being the one who does all the work! We need to work together.

In Proverbs 18:22 it says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD“. So you have found something good (your wife), and you receive favor from the Lord. He never said it would be easy living with another person, but He does say the two become one. Look at Matthew 19:4-6, (4) “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ (5) and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? (6) So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” That’s a powerful statement, but the becoming one is where a lot of problems come in. Everyone’s goal in a marriage should be to COMPLETE each other, not to COMPETE with each other. Take a look at those two words, the only difference is the letter L, which changes compete to compLete, and it stands for LOVE!

There are many things that can wear on a marriage, but take a look at a few things from the Bible:
  • (Proverbs 12:18) "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
  • (Proverbs 12:19) "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment."
  • (Colossians 3:19) "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
  • (Ephesians 4:26) “'In your anger do not sin' : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,"
  • (1 Peter 3:7) "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."

Ok, we’ve already talked about what we say, but just to refresh us, we really need to be careful about what we say, our words can bring healing or pierce like a sword. We need to be truthful in all things, and never be harsh with our wives or short tempered. We need to always make sure things are right before we retire for the night, never go to sleep angry with your wife, or her angry with you. We need to be considerate with our wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner in our marriage. That’s a hard one sometimes, because so many women are trying to be more like men, but you can still carry things for her, help out around the house, do little things for her, and treat her like she is someone special. She should be someone special.

The Bible also talks about sex, and being satisfied with your wife. Here are a couple of scriptures that say a lot.
  • (Proverbs 5:18-19) "(18) May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. (19) A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."
  • (1 Corinthians 7:2-5) "(2) But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. (3) The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. (4) The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. (5) Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

These couple passages say so much, but the thing I want to point out is your body is not your own anymore, as is the case with your wife’s body. You each belong to the other, so don’t forget that. That doesn’t give you the right to come home and say it’s time lets do it! If you’re in the mood and she’s not, a little love and some tenderness can go a long way. There will be times when one is interested and the other is not, for a variety of reasons, long day at work, not feeling well etc.. The point is don’t hold out on your wife because you are mad or angry with your wife.

Here is a portion of scripture that covers a lot of detail, but make sure you take note of the things important to you.

(Ephesians 5:22-33) "(22) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. (24) Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (26) to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, (27) and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (28) In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. (29) After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—(30) for we are members of his body. (31) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (32) This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. (33) However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Now let’s stop right here, I know what you’re thinking, you like the first verse in the series. Well, I want you to forget about that, and I’m asking you never to use those words against your wife. I’ve been taught and believe with all my heart, that if you are the husband you need to be and have a relationship with your wife, you and your wife will be partners working together, and family decisions will be made together with no one trying to dominate. I do have a suggestion here though, as I have learned over the years, and heard many men say, if you want to have a successful marriage, always accept responsibility and fault, whether it is yours or not! To some men that might hit you wrong, but think about the many arguments you have had with your wife during your marriage. I remember some of ours, and as I look back, they were usually over stupid stuff, and if one or the other would have assumed fault, it would have been over before it began. I’ll bet you will see that too. Most differences begin small, but we both try and get our way, and then it escalates and soon it becomes an argument, and then a fight, with doors slamming and words being said. It could have stopped back at the difference stage. Remember difference is not always LESSER or GREATER, it is just difference. Arguments in marriage seldom are over major moral issues of right or wrong. They are most often when someone takes a defensive position on MY WAY. Remember marriage is when YOUR WAY and MY WAY make way for OUR WAY, and that’s when peace is established in the marriage relationship. Often the best way to conquer in a dispute is to COMPROMISE. Consideration and compromise will most often lead to COMPATIBILITY!

God's Triangle

There is one last thing I would like to cover. Take a look at the diagram on the left, you will see a triangle with God at the top and husband and wife at the other corners. Now take a look at the two A arrows on the inside of the triangle, these represent the distance the husband and wife are away from each other, in other words CLOSENESS! Notice that as the two red circles representing husband and wife move closer to God, the distance between husband and wife grows smaller. In other words, the closer to God you and your wife get, the closer together you will get. If you and your wife are not going to church, I recommend you find one and begin going right away. If you don’t know Jesus as your savior, check out Do I Need Jesus!